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MELBOURNE: Midwife and lactation consultant Kelly Havlin clears her throat and smiles cautiously as she looks up from the lectern and addresses the crowd in front of her.

“You’re probably sitting there thinking, ‘why do I need to be here? I’ve done all this before … it can’t be that hard to be a grandparent’,” she says.

“But let me tell you I am a grandparent and life has certainly changed in terms of parenting in the last 30 years or so.”

Among those at the three-hour Grandparents Update class, organised through St John of God Subiaco Hospital, are soon-to-be first-time grandparents Vicki and Simon Fleming, and Helen and Vince Bertolini.

The Flemings’ 33-year-old daughter, Sarah, and the Bertolinis’ 34-year-old son, Pietro, are both expecting their first children in late December.

The young couple suggested it was a good time for their parents to brush up on their parenting skills, but it proved a contentious topic to broach.

“I know a lot of my friends are not for it,” Ms Bertolini says of the class.

“That’s exactly what I’ve been getting too,” Ms Fleming adds.

“They think it’s a waste of time, but we want to be part of the whole wonderful journey.

“We don’t want them [Sarah and Pietro] to be sitting inside going, ‘oh God it’s mum and dad coming, we never do anything right,’ you know?”

Ms Havlin says the hospital launched the update class for grandparents about 20 years ago after young mums at their postnatal classes reported strains in their relationship with their parents since the arrival of their new babies.

“When we delved a little bit into it we found that at a time when they really needed your support, both of you weren’t on the same page,” she says.

“I mean I’m a midwife, a lactation consultant and I still struggle sometimes with being a grandparent.

“And I think that’s a lot to do with the fact that we’ve raised these amazing children who have access to all this information out there, and it’s an overload of information sometimes.

“We’re actually setting them up to try and be the absolute perfect parent but there’s no such thing.”

St John of God Subiaco Hospital parent education coordinator Christine Jones, who was involved in the creation of the grandparent class, says it is important for grandparents to start thinking about how best to support new parents from the time of pregnancy.

The midwife of 50 years says she has witnessed countless examples of good, and bad, grandparenting.

“It’s always interesting to see the different dynamics between families,” she says.

“It’s often a hard thing to do without offending grandparents.

“Grandparents can be really hard work but they’re also the best resource.”

The class covers topics including the ways a baby can communicate within the first few hours of its life, plus the many medical advancements that have taken place since many prospective grandparents had their babies, including around sleeping, feeding and vaccinations.

Ms Havlin repeatedly stresses the importance of supporting, not judging, the new parents — all the while being careful not to downplay the special role a grandparent can play.

“You’re the keeper of your family history, you’re the one who shares memories … you’re the storyteller,” she says.

“And you’re the patient teacher because in the hurly burly of life nowadays there’s not a lot of time for parents to do those things.

“But we are much, much more — we’re the listeners, we’re the keeper of their so-called secrets.”

An hour into the class, it seems that regardless of whether they had been forced to attend, or had gone along willingly, all four prospective grandparents appear to be learning and engaged.

For Ms Fleming, as the mother of 34-week pregnant Sarah, the video about social interaction and communication in particular strikes a chord.

“The video was very inspiring to me because when you had a baby 30 years ago it was kind of like you wrap it, you feed it, you bath it and you put it to bed, you know,” she says of her experience raising Sarah and her twin younger brother and sister.

Ms Bertolini adds how she is inspired by how much the roles of parents have changed over the years.

“My husband’s Italian and the old school, you know, the guys do all the guys’ work … and the women did all the women’s work,” she says.

“And that’s not so now, which I think is marvellous.”

Both Mr Bertolini and Mr Fleming, who had not been as involved in the early stages of their children’s lives, agree.

And all of them appear to genuinely want to make sure they help instead of hinder.

“It’s their kid, they’ve got to bring it up, they’ve got to work it out and we’re just there to help,” Mr Bertolini says.

“To help out if they need to and if they want to. And enjoy it and maybe spoil the kids and give them back.”

Andee and Ed Castro, who moved to Australia from the Philippines 27-years-ago, are also among those getting a crash course in grandparenting skills.

Their oldest son Chris’s wife, Jennifer, is six months pregnant but as one of seven children her parents already have 12 grandchildren, so she mentioned the class to her in-laws instead.

“They responded enthusiastically,” Jennifer says.

“I wanted them to learn the new safety regulation around babies in term of sleeping positions, lowering risk of SIDS etc, and also just getting them re-accustomed to babies and making sure they feel comfortable with the baby when it arrives.”

Ms Castro says she found the class extremely helpful.

“Of course, it’s very exciting because it’s our first time to be grandparents, but I think there’s some rules and roles to consider as grandparents that were really highlighted to me,” she says.