Death cafe sparks conversations about dying to help overcome fear
MELBOURNE: A pop-up death cafe has been held to spark conversations and help people overcome their fear of dying.
Conversations about life and death might not be common over coffee and cake, but almost 30 people gathered at church in Walkerville, in Adelaide’s north-east, to chat about wakes, wills and last wishes.
“Many times it might be mulling around in our mind, but we don’t give ourselves space. So what we are offering is a space,” organiser Rhonda Smedley said.
The event sparked conversations about the practical, spiritual and emotional considerations of dying.
“Two hours to have a conversation with people you might not even know. You come away feeling energised, alive and strangers now become friends.”
The death cafe movement was sparked by the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz and developed in the UK by Jon Underwood.
Nearly 10,000 more have been held throughout the world since 2011.
Participants — who are often unknown to each other — all have different relationships to death; or are themselves dying.
They are encouraged to openly discuss the topic with the help of speakers and activities.
“I want to know more about how [we can die] well. It’s a physical journey, it’s a mental journey, it’s a spiritual journey and an emotional one,” Ms Smedley said.
According to the 2016 Census, almost 38 per cent of South Australia’s population are aged 50 and above.
The death cafe was funded by SA Health as the first of a series of three events.
A spokesperson for the department said the initiative formed part of a broader plan to improve aged care and palliative services across the state.
Death cafe participant Abby Buckley said people’s response to her son Robbie’s death had made losing him more difficult.
“My family and I found it quite awkward that other people were uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say,” she said.
“We found it challenging at times — what do you say to people — in fact it was more about us making them feel relaxed.”
Shortly after her son’s death, Ms Buckley started organising gatherings in her hometown of Gawler.
She said they were vibrant and allowed people to express themselves — and to learn about end-of-life options.
“I would make completely different decisions about what we would do around Robbie’s death, his funeral, his body, what we would say to people,” she said.
“It would be totally different if we knew then what I’ve learned now, and how I feel about death has totally changed after being involved in activities like the death cafe.”
After retiring as a paediatric intensive care nurse, Helen Roberts carved out a niche as an end-of-life consultant and a photographer of children who have died.
She said it helped make people feel more comfortable in a society where death is not front of mind.
“[Clients] are excited they’ve found someone who can use the terminology and have honest conversations with them.
“Even people who are dying want someone to talk to them and hear the words and not be frightened to go to places that other people won’t.”
Ms Roberts said more could be done to improve death literacy among the community.
“I think obviously funding is lacking in areas that could be more helpful, for example palliative care. I think we need more education to staff, nurses, doctors, all the staff,” she said.
“I think that health can be doing more for the general public around dying with more community education and more opportunity for learning.
